You can tack this reason on to the already long list of reasons for why you should read this blog on a daily basis: we’re ****ing green and eco-friendly on top of this already being a low-fat design that’s easy to read and fun for the kids! It seems that being green/eco-friendly is now the new cool hip marketing buzz word that everyone wants to slap onto just about everything no matter what it is. This further confirms one of my first and foremost important themes in marketing, and that is that marketers are liars, and propogandists, and they’ll do anything it takes to sell! With that being said, I hath decided to make every blog post from here on out an energy-saving efficient green blog post.
I’m now recycling my water bottles and Dr. Pepper cans that I drink while I post, and I’m only going to write with this one Bic pen that I found until it runs COMPLETELY out of ink. I will turn off all my extra computer monitors and keep my laptop off of presentation mode. I’ll only take paper bags for my groceries that I eat while I blog. FUCK plastic, seriously. I won’t shop at Walmart anymore just because Hillary Clinton used to be on the board of Directors there and she’s a big fat meanie.
I’m going to do all of the above in accordance with the Green Alliance code of conduct. My marketing people tell me it’ll do wonders. The one thing that I guess just doesn’t make sense to me with this all new trend in everything being “green” and “eco-friendly” is that wouldn’t one be able to argue that in one way or another you are causing harm to the environment whether you mean to or not? No matter how hard I tried to I would still have to poop somewhere, and that’s gonna need some water and some sort of gaping pipeline to flush away out of sight. If I didn’t do that then the poop would invite unwanted bacteria and bugs. I’d most likely contract some sort of killer bird flu, die, and my decomposing body would cause harm to my roommates and my neighbors, thus the environment.
And about this whole “natural” foods thing, couldn’t one argue that in one way or another everything comes from Nature and is natural? I’m not bashing on Whole Foods and such just because I can’t grow a lengthy beard and ride a hipster bicycle around town. (Okay… maybe I am.) In my defense though, I have shopped there once or twice before. I ended up paying twice as much for half as much food and only got to eat half of that half because it got moldy due to their being no preservatives in ANYTHING. It just seems to me that non “natural” foods like Wonder Bread just taste better, and that shit is good for like a month! Fo realz people, I’m on a part-time non-paying blogging gig here, I can’t afford no $5 dollar loaf of bread?
In doing some of this ranting I decided to semi-legitimize my bickery-ish banter by looking up some information at the Green Products Alliance so I could prevent any insuing flame war from any of my daily 80 visitors. They have a fairly large code of ethics page and the very last rules of the inter galactic alliance is:
To give back to our communities and to be an example of Capitalism with a Conscience
Come on people… if capitalism were like fight club, the first rule would be that there is no such thing as Capitalism with a conscious, there is only profit!
[/rant]
